There's No Looking Back Once It's Over

I know the feeling, even if I'm not "old". You're running out of time. You have a math test next period and the minutes swoop by your head, like vultures, mocking your anxiety. You're about to graduate from middle school to be passed on to the new life of high school. Whatever it is, every single day, we run out of time. The issue becomes more frequent as you grow older. More responsibilities, more tasks to complete. Your years are dwindling, and as you reach your senior citizen years, you are faced with the truth: in a relatively short period of time, you're going to die. It's a frightening realization, but yes, it has to be faced. We all spend our last years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, in different ways. For Leo Gursky in Nicole Krauss's The History of Love, he wants to spend his time on Earth being seen. To have everyone know that he was indeed living, and for one second know who he is. He wants to impact the people of New York because that's the only way that he will die feeling satisfied.

Some people live to be seen. They believe that is the purpose of life, to affect everyone they can and leave their mark on the Earth. But do you really need to be seen to make your mark? Is doing something mindless and unpleasant just because you think its the "right thing to do" the best way to spend the rest of your life?

I once saw this old movie called Last Holiday. Of course we had to make a second version starring Queen Latifah fifty six years later, but that's not the one I'm referring to. It's about this man who hears he's going to die in a very short period of time. The man goes out and spends all his money and is totally happy, feeling better than he ever has before. In the end, it turns out that the doctor mixed up two people's tests and that the man isn't really going to die at all. By now he has no money left, but he's made new friends and had the time of his life.

To me, this is the way to spend the rest of your life. You don't have to treat it as if you're about to die because you don't feel anything when you're dead. It's not like a math test, where you nervously anticipate it all day and feel the "I did so badly" feeling when it's done. When you're dead, you can't look back and think to yourself, "I did so badly". Why try to prove yourself and make yourself huge and important when you can just be happy? You only live once, and when it's over, it's over. Be happy while you're alive, and make some mistakes, because there's no looking back once it's over. Why do people feel badly about their mistakes? Why have we created a heaven and a hell? To prevent those mistakes. To scare people into being good, and because we can't bear the thought of not living at all. But I think that sometimes life is just one big mistake, and that we can improve it by simply being happy. I think you should just do what you want in life, and you shouldn't worry about the screw-ups because you won't be able to look back on them.

Leo Gursky is wasting his last years! He doesn't really want to be seen. The things that make him happy are his friends. Let's face it - after someone looks at him for a moment, they forget about him. Life isn't about making yourself known, it's about enjoying it while you can.