clawing myself out of the rut.

i'm listening to the song "mad world", which was originally by tears for fears, but everyone seems to know only the gary jules version, which is stupid because he sounds exactly like michael stipe of REM. ugh, REM. anyway, it's weird because this song is expressing almost exactly how i'm feeling about the world. it's crazy - just earlier today i was convinced i as falling into this downwards spiral of bad writing because i wasn't placed into the "advanced revision" group in class today. it's true, though - my draft really sucked. it was cliched, dry, uninteresting...i mean, what kind of kid would want to read this, unless they like torturing themself? long story short, it was really, really, bad, as was my foreword, which was almost just as bad. ok, enough with the self-criticism. but this year i was determined to reconcile my life as a writer and create something i really was proud of. it was hard work, and i feel like i occasionally wrote something sort of good, but then again there was always that aspect that was a bit off about it, like milk that's just on the verge of souring. gross, right? i took a few pathetic stabs at writing deep and profound pieces which turned out disturbing or stereotypical and mostly just really...bad. around this time of writing depression, while i was developing a terrible habit of over-eating crappy candy bars, i picked up Steve Toltz's debut novel, A Fraction of The Whole. It was just the kind of cold, slightly offensive, riotously funny Australian story that i needed to cheer me up. The end result of reading a few chapters would end up shaping my writing life....maybe forever.

Today, after an excellent prompt administered by Miss Lilabet Johnstongil, i managed to whip about maybe the wittiest piece i had ever composed, one that i was actually proud of, entitled The Predicament of Monsieur Chapeau, Jr. The positive praise from teacher and students alike was more than enough to convince me that i really hadn't fallen into a rut at all, i just was a much better comic writer than an epic novelist. i definitely saw bits in my story that were largely inspired by A Fraction of The Whole, and i thank Steve Toltz for producing such an inspiring, humorous book that made me realize who i truly am as a writer. although i occasionally feel dumb and silly for composing funny pieces, it rarely bothers me, and i am truly satisfied with writing things that make people laugh.

so, back to that tears for fears song. it really is a mad world, because you'll never really know when your life will flip itself around and you'll find something you like. but that song is over now, and now my ipod's playing a-ha's "take on me". i guess there can't always be a song to spontaneously fit my mood.