dare i?

i love graphic novels. however, if you asked me about the thousands of underground word-picture publications i would fail to tell you which ones i thought had the most exquisitely drawn illustrations or which alan moore book i thought had the most profound message about society. i'm not going to lie to you, readers: i really don't know much at all about the would of graphic novels, and i'm not going to pretend i do. this lack of knowledge was probably what caused my first (and presumably last) attempt at writing/illustrating a graphic novel, well, what the young kids would say, an "epic fail".

ah, yes...but it's come time again to embark on a new literary mission in ela class - the second round of independent writing projects. and i think i'd like to take another stab at the graphic novel. and this plan didn't just pounce upon me like the metaphorical puma of good ideas. it's been nesting in the back of my brain ever since i completed my first graphic novel in the seventh grade. my (very minor) perfectionist ways have forced me to have a constant desire to make what formerly was a screw-up into something better. sometimes my more prominent, lazy, procrastinator side dominates, yet this time, my love for the peanut butter-and-jelly relationship of words and pictures is pushing me forward, into the depths of challenge.

my first graphic novel was about a young, pious girl suffering from the black plague in the middle ages. (what fun!) it was a comedy, too. no, just kidding. i thought it was a good idea from the start, but as the writing process progressed, it turned into a nightmarish experience that i was desperate to abandon. although i personally believe any story can be adapted into a graphic novel, drawing pictures of sickly children lying listlessly on flea-ridden bales of hay was not my idea of an inspirational writing experience.

this time, i plan to write something more personal. about myself. not exactly a memoir, because i believe that memoirs shouldn't be written unless you are inches from death (but still able to pick up a pen or type on a keyboard). i guess it would be more of a documentation of my life right now, in the midst of stress and confusion and angst. i have a million ideas swimming around in my cerebral sea and i feel the need to put them down on paper. the story isn't exactly linear, nor does it have a set point. but it will. all i have to do is harness my inspiration and courage, even though it sounds painfully corny. i'm determined to master the art of the thing i love most about literacy. wish me luck.

I Fought The Law, And The Law Won.

It's human nature to want to break the rules. Even the tightest-wound individual still harbors some smothered desire to do something that they're not supposed to do. For whatever reason it may be, we all feel the need to rebel against society - whether it be to quench an uncontrollable thirst for action or to "get back" at society for wronging you in some way. As for Terry Dean in Steve Tolz's A Fraction of The Whole, his past is what fuels his need to be a ruthless, unstoppable criminal.

Once an incredible athlete and the town's crowing glory, Terry's fame is instantly diminished after getting in a competitive conflict over a cricket match and ends up with a stabbed leg. Instead of doing nothing, Terry decides that the only thing that will give him a purpose in life is to find another obsession - in this case, that obsession was mugging, thievery, and all things to do with breaking the town's laws. What starts as a petty, somewhat hesitant attempt to wreak havoc on the town and its people gradually blossoms into a full-fledged criminal lifestyle fueled by Terry's traumatizing past and crazy vengefulness. Before we know it, Terry has thrown himself into a festering abyss of killing and crime, ganging up with fellow outlaws and again becoming the most famous person in his small town, but for a much different reason.

So besides Terry's past, what is it that drives him to break the law? I think that part of it is the mere fact that he's escaped the police and law enforcers so many times that his success has gone to his head. He thinks that he can fool them every time, and he teases them by going on insane killing sprees and fleeing from the scene. An incredibly talented criminal, Terry has realized that the so-called "authorities" of his town aren't actually as big as he knew them to be, and this would be a liberating realization for everyone. The thing that sets Terry apart from everyone else is that he springs upon each opportunity and approaches the situation in a way that gives him excitement - he shoves himself in the face of the law, only to tear himself away at the moment they bite. The ability to be quicker and almost invincible to the law's ever-watching eyes is a powerful thing.

I also believe that Terry's past fame plays a huge part in his desire to get in trouble. He's let the town down by getting his leg stabbed and losing his ability to participate in sports. However, his obsessive competitiveness still burns and he chooses to apply that force to another activity that will earn him fame yet again, even if the fame could get him killed. The fact that your face is known all over Australia is a blessing and a curse, and fame is addicting - once you've achieved it, you keep wanting more.

The fact that he murders only sports figures is obviously a refection of his past. Whenever he hears of a cheating athlete or coach he punishes them by killing them. Sports and crime are very similar - both can start a fire of competition in anyone who takes part in either of them, and when you've got both in you, it's like an explosion.

Although it may seem like a total cliche that Terry's hunger for crime is based on his traumatizing past, I believe that it's so much more than that. I think so many criminals perform ridiculous acts to "punish" society, Terry's motives are so much more complex. In some ways, I think he's doing what he's doing in order to be known again, to make up for his loss of athleticism by doing something that will also make him well known. I think in some ways he's trying to make a point, but in others, he's just doing it because he can. He's been raised on crime since he was a young boy, and it's really become a part of his life. Crime, like a sport, is an aspect of life that can fuel obsessions. In Terry's case, crime is used to fill the holes in his life, and make an impact on his world.

Just for fun, here's The Clash and their cover of Sonny Curtis's "I Fought the Law". Yay!

As Busy as James Franco.

This post isn't about the independent book I'm working on now, and I hope that's acceptable. It's about a really long article from New York Magazine that I read about the actor James Franco, entitled "Is James Franco for Real?". By now, it's pretty apparent to everyone who knows me that I have a giant celebrity crush on this man. My nonstop chatting about him (James Franco is so cute! Oh my god he looked soooo gorgeous in that movie! He should really lose the mustache, though, it doesn't flatter his face) has started to get on my parent's nerves, and I'm teased about it nonstop. So clearly I was thrilled when this 5-page story was published a few months ago. I was reading it over again a few nights ago. The whole piece sort of gives an overview of James Franco's personal life, exposing him to everyone who picks up the article. It focuses a lot on his educational life, describing his stressful, obsessive work habits and the mounds of homework he receives from the ridiculous number of colleges he's enrolled in. It glorifies the man, listing off the many things he does, including modeling, writing books, making movies, and putting up art shows in prestigious galleries in New York. "How on earth does he do it?" is the question that is brought up throughout the entire piece. At first, I venerated James for all the intense work he does, and thought it was the most incredible thing I'd ever heard. Well, maybe not, but keep in mind, this is when I was still "madly in love" with him.

But I was thinking about this story the other day. Although this man is a really, really famous actor, and while it may seem crazy that he's trying to do all sorts of things to earn Phd's or whatever he wants to do, his life isn't really that different from those of all the other people trying to become smarter while taking care of children and supporting their family. I mean, think of all those people that the online college ads target: many of those people are single mothers or people who are so busy with whatever they have to do that they don't even have the time to attend real, tangible college with real teachers and interact with them in person. I can't help feeling that this article minimizes the problems and busy lives of those un-famous people living in New York, or America, or the world. The writer of this article decided to write this piece so people would be amazed by this multi-tasking man, but the truth is, there are so many people that are a thousand times busier than him - bankers on Wall Street during the recession, scientists trying to develop renewable fuels and ways to stop global warming, and like I said before, just average Americans trying to support their families. People think we want to read about actors and what they've done just because they're super-famous and good looking. The fact that they are famous just drives people to assume that they are better and more accomplished than other people. The fact that they're well-known doesn't make them have much harder lives than us - I mean, at least they have substantial amounts of money. Being famous isn't really a responsibility, and simply wanting to receive a Phd when you're a well-known actor doesn't make you the most revolutionary man in the world. In some ways, the lives of the average American are so much harder than an actor's.

I mean, of course we have to take into consideration the fact that James Franco is an incredibly busy man, and that it is somewhat ambitious of him to want to enroll in so many colleges. But at least he has a choice - he can go to college any time he wants and drop out anytime he wants. Famous individuals have certain privileges that we don't have, and its those privileges, such as the ignorance of many Americans, large amounts of money, and media's glorification, that make their lives so much easier, even if they are as "busy" as James Franco.

clawing myself out of the rut.

i'm listening to the song "mad world", which was originally by tears for fears, but everyone seems to know only the gary jules version, which is stupid because he sounds exactly like michael stipe of REM. ugh, REM. anyway, it's weird because this song is expressing almost exactly how i'm feeling about the world. it's crazy - just earlier today i was convinced i as falling into this downwards spiral of bad writing because i wasn't placed into the "advanced revision" group in class today. it's true, though - my draft really sucked. it was cliched, dry, uninteresting...i mean, what kind of kid would want to read this, unless they like torturing themself? long story short, it was really, really, bad, as was my foreword, which was almost just as bad. ok, enough with the self-criticism. but this year i was determined to reconcile my life as a writer and create something i really was proud of. it was hard work, and i feel like i occasionally wrote something sort of good, but then again there was always that aspect that was a bit off about it, like milk that's just on the verge of souring. gross, right? i took a few pathetic stabs at writing deep and profound pieces which turned out disturbing or stereotypical and mostly just really...bad. around this time of writing depression, while i was developing a terrible habit of over-eating crappy candy bars, i picked up Steve Toltz's debut novel, A Fraction of The Whole. It was just the kind of cold, slightly offensive, riotously funny Australian story that i needed to cheer me up. The end result of reading a few chapters would end up shaping my writing life....maybe forever.

Today, after an excellent prompt administered by Miss Lilabet Johnstongil, i managed to whip about maybe the wittiest piece i had ever composed, one that i was actually proud of, entitled The Predicament of Monsieur Chapeau, Jr. The positive praise from teacher and students alike was more than enough to convince me that i really hadn't fallen into a rut at all, i just was a much better comic writer than an epic novelist. i definitely saw bits in my story that were largely inspired by A Fraction of The Whole, and i thank Steve Toltz for producing such an inspiring, humorous book that made me realize who i truly am as a writer. although i occasionally feel dumb and silly for composing funny pieces, it rarely bothers me, and i am truly satisfied with writing things that make people laugh.

so, back to that tears for fears song. it really is a mad world, because you'll never really know when your life will flip itself around and you'll find something you like. but that song is over now, and now my ipod's playing a-ha's "take on me". i guess there can't always be a song to spontaneously fit my mood.

The Issue With Siblings.

Yes, I know. This sounds like the latest television situation comedy about a lovingly dysfunctional family and their seventeen adopted children. Well, I'm sorry, friends, but that won't happen for a while, although it's secretly been my lifelong dream to make a sitcom. What I'm talking about is the popular theme in many books - siblings. In general, there's usually a tinge (or maybe something more than a tinge) of jealously and competitiveness between two, or three, or five brothers and/or sisters that is for the most part resolved happily in the ending. PHOOEY! This is not always how it works out. Take it from me, I'm fifty percent of a pair of twins, "A Fraction of the Whole", as it were. And Steve Toltz's book, that goes by the name of the phrase in the quotation marks, in case you didn't pick up on that, really does a righteous job of illuminating the true lives and conflicts that siblings face.

The two main characters featured in the novel, Martin and his younger brother Terry, are youngsters living in an uneventful town in Australia proclaimed affectionately by its people as "The Worst Place To Live in New South Wales". Or something like that. Whatever it may be, the point is that it's really an awful town and there's nothing much to do there but lie around in bed looking at the town's prison, or just cause trouble. Martin, who was in a ridiculously long coma while his younger son (of a different father) was being born, generally chooses the former option of preoccupying himself. His brother Terry, early in his life, would idolize his brother, imitating his ailments, until his father decides that he should turn his son onto sports. Terry soon becomes almost religiously addicted, praised by the entire town, until he gets stabbed in the leg and turns to "mucking about" in the town and traveling rapidly through a downwards spiral into a no-good criminal life.

At first, Martin tries to help his younger brother reconcile his life and drop his wanton crimes, yet Terry seems hopelessly devoted to the criminal life. There is a constant flame of competition burning in the metaphorical family fireplace that, let's face it, shall not be smothered by the water of peace. When Terry was the town's best athlete, Martin was shunned even further because of his bedridden past and was looked upon ever since as a grumpy, useless invalid who stares to much. People place tags on siblings, especially if they are of the same gender or age.

Honestly, it can sometimes be difficult being a twin. Many people associate me with my brother, saying things like "you look a lot like Ben", or "Oh right, you're Ben's sister". God, I hate that. And then I've probably heard the line "You're Ben's sister? But you look nothing like him! Well, now that I look at you, I guess you have the same nose..." People know me because of my twin. I'm really not someone who likes to grab a lot of attention, and I feel like Ben can act like a vacuum, sucking up the sappy affection and attention of everyone in the room. This is where most of our hidden rivalry sparks. When he struts about, singing Beatle's songs and strumming his guitar, a slew of eleven-year-old girls trailing after him like he was a prophet. And when he becomes famous, I'm known as being "the cool boy"'s sister, and people come up to me to praise him and gush about his excellence. As far as I know, I don't get much admiration. Me and Ben are like rocks. Ben is a plain grey rock on the outside, but when you bash him on the head, you'll find a valuable gem inside. Me...I'm still grey inside.

Ok, this post is really going nowhere and is turning into a dry, substance-less rant. The point I'm trying to make is that there will always be the sibling who achieves even the mildest fame, and then the other, no matter who they are, will immediately be brought down a level if they don't strive to compete with their siblings. This is sounding really dramatic, but I feel that it's true. A sibling's status largely depends on that of his brother or sister. YES! Finally, I have uncovered the big idea of this seemingly self-piteous blog post. Society can't seem to shake the popular misconception that families are one homogenous blob. Therefore, they like to make siblings seem like one person, sometimes. Ok, I'm making some assumptions here. But I feel like I'm viewed sometimes as the less-talented side of my brother. If I was an only child, things would be infinitely different because you really wouldn't have anyone to compare me too. Whoever is the twin of higher social status, that's the one you're expected to live up to. The fact that society views twins as being in a race to the top of the social bar is what fuels so much of our competition. It's offensive to be known by who your siblings are, and we feel that the only way to be known for who you are is being "famous". Oh my gosh, this post is going all over the place. I feel like I'm drunk! I'm not really, though. Sorry, readers.